


you break me, you numb me, you still seem to stun me

by ampere



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Diners, M/M, Red String of Fate, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 08:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2462171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ampere/pseuds/ampere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis looks at him with tired eyes, there's bags under his eyelashes, hair a complete mess compared to how neat Niall is used to seeing it.</p><p>“It's late,” Louis yawns, reaching for his cup of coffee, “you don't have school tomorrow, right?”</p><p>Niall wrinkles his nose, “it's a Saturday tomorrow, Louis,” he picks up his fork, tries to cut off a piece of his pancakes, “I hope you haven't been out of school long enough that you don't remember that.”</p><p>“You're so different when you aren't full of nerves,” Louis jams a piece of bacon to his mouth, “I also like this Niall, very...feisty.”</p><p>Niall chews thoughtfully, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “so what's new?” he asks. It's only the fourth time they've met, Louis had texted him, asked if he was home. The time on his clock had read 3:11 am, <i>of course</i> he was, he had said.</p><p>
  <i>I'll pick you up, I think I remember how to get to your house.</i>
</p><p>or</p><p>Niall and Louis meet at a diner and Niall has to figure out how they're meant to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you break me, you numb me, you still seem to stun me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fervent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fervent/gifts).



> Ok, so I messed this one up really bad and I'm sorry, womp. The original prompt was;
> 
> _diners. Niall and Louis have a tradition of middle of the night runs for milkshakes and burgers and watching the cars pass by from the corner booth. They don't hang out often very often besides but it's their thing, becomes more and more important to them as time goes on, etc. The waitresses know them by name, don't mind when they toss french fries at each other, think they're totally a couple_
> 
> but once I started writing it, it got really off the mark, and soulmates happened and the diners aren't even that prevalent and I'm sorry. I tried to keep the diners as present as ever but this really ran away from me (I am hanging my head in disappointment). 
> 
> This feels like the background fic for another fic about what Niall and Louis' relationship can be, I felt that with the diners, and them "bonding" this fic would be a more of getting to know each other, realizing what they're meant to be kind of thing. I am so sorry that this is probably not what you wanted, but I hope you still enjoy it. 
> 
> PS. I remember you said no underage, so I'm not sure if the age gap is cutting it too close. But Niall turns 18 here, so yeah. This fic isn't anything it was supposed to be.

It's fine, looping around his pinky finger. The canary yellow glints under the autumn sun, Niall blinks at his finger when it first appears.

His little feet stop moving, there's a lot of kids running around but none of them are at the other end of his string. So he starts walking, pass the slide, the monkey bars. The string loops around the columns of the small school, disappears into the opened door. The halls are empty but Niall doesn't care, eyes focused on the string all along the hall, up the stairs. The yellow line leads to one of the last rooms, the door is open and when Niall walks in, it's empty, save for a small boy, his black hair down over his frowning eyes. He looks up when Niall gives his hand a tug and he watches as the arm the boy has in front of his face moves with it.

“Hey,” the boy says, “quit it! You aren't letting me draw!”

Niall walks in faster, almost runs to the last desk on the first row, there's papers filled with crayoned lines, words written in neat overly careful letters.

“I'm Niall,” he says excitedly, flaps his arms around and watches with wide eyes as the other boy's arm goes with the pull of their string.

-

Zayn doesn't tell him his name until after their mums come to pick them up, he crosses his arms and asks his mum why he has to be tied with Niall.

Niall thinks a lot about it when he's laying in bed, eyes red but refusing to sleep. His pinky gets a small tug, the smallest of comforts that Niall knows it's Zayn trying to make him feel better, a whispered _go to sleep Niall, i'm worried for you._

He gives back a halfhearted tug, a response to keep Zayn from calling him. He knows his voice is too foggy for conversation now. Niall pulls at the string, hopes the little movement tells Zayn he's ok.

-

“We're soulmates,” Harry says when Niall comes face to face with him. His curly hair is heavy with water and the sun over them isn't warm enough to stop goosebumps from breaking over his skin, “I'm Harry,” he says breathlessly, he wiggles his middle finger around, the tight circles of the cornflower blue string tied tightly around the middle of it.

Niall watches the way the string waves with the movement, “It's blue,” Niall says slowly. He's only 13 and soulmates aren't something he thinks he's allowed to have yet.

Harry looks at him, face gone confused in a way that Niall thinks looks like he's in pain, “it's not red but we're still soulmates. We're meant to be!” he says.

He's entirely too excited and Niall almost feels bad when he sticks out his pinky finger, “I already got one of you,” he knows Harry can't see the canary yellow string that ties him with Zayn but he wiggles it anyway and pulls at it to make Zayn know that he's thinking of him. He gets a small tug back and Harry's big eyes go just the tiniest bit bigger in size.

“So?” Harry asks, “that just means I wasn't the first, but I'm still important,” he reaches for Niall's hand, fingers grasping at Niall's middle finger, “I can see the string tied to it, we're _supposed_ to be together.”

-

Harry has a voice that fits perfectly with the notes Niall coaxes from his guitar strings. He sits perfectly still and hums with the tunes Niall makes until there's words leaving his mouth. They're words Niall can't ever think about, but they always turn out being what Niall should have thought about.

Harry hasn't lost his excitement, saddling up next to Niall every time they have time to get together. Harry is never in one place for far too long, his family packs up and leaves city after city. And his hand tugs after him, finger pulling with the miles, always strained. Niall sighs when he gets a little pull, pulls back and he knows Harry is ok, he knows Harry is still there for him, together even with miles between them.

-

He's 16 years old when he wakes up and there's a jade green string around his index finger, right next to Harry's blue line. It's being pulled taut and Niall is still bleary eyed, hair still ruffled from rolling in his sleep. It's a Saturday and the sun is still going up but there's a pull at his finger, too demanding and insistent and then Niall is being dragged out of bed from the sheer force of it. He stumbles to his feet, slides on his slippers before he's pulled towards the door. He has the mind to pull the door open before his face slams into it.

His mum is still sleeping and Niall gets pulled out of the front door and onto the street, face gone red from keeping up with the pulling, legs burning from the running he has broken to in order to keep up with the tugs.

He ends up half running half speed walking down streets that are familiar to him but he doesn't frequent a lot. He's out of breath when he finally starts to come to a house, the door is open and there's a boy pulling at their string, the length of it pooling next to him, at the door stop.

Niall's never seen him, but he looks friendly enough.

He puts his hands over his knees and takes deep breaths, the morning is getting warmer and his arm hurts from being pulled at.

“Hi, I'm Liam,” the boy says, giving one last tug and Niall almost doubles into himself, “we're tied,” Liam says.

Niall nods and looks up at the boy, wheezes his name as _Niall_ and Liam smiles big at him.

-

It's been months since Liam moved in, and they've grown some sort of companionship that feels comfortable. They push and pull and laugh over stupid jokes and stories. It's a pretty equal relationship and it's relaxing in the way that Niall never has to think about what he's doing, if he'll look stupid, if Liam will think he's weird when he plays with his food or makes jokes that no one above ten years old should be making.

Liam talks about love the way Niall wishes he could. They spend nights talking about that _one red string_ , hopefully hoping for someone pretty, for a girl with soft thighs and lush hair and a pretty mouth.

-

When he's with Zayn, Niall hopes for a solid chest, ragged lines, strong thighs.

For a pretty boy.

-

Zayn sits next to him under their weeping willow, the sun is setting behind them and Zayn's eyes are incredibly pretty with the setting sun.

Niall smiles at the soft wind rolling over them, turns to look at Zayn.

The canary yellow line is looped over his pinky, bunched up between them, but that's all Niall can see.

“You're the only one,” Zayn says and Niall feels his stomach bunch up in nerves, “the only one that's complete, anyway.”

Niall leans forward, fingers trying to break the grassy layer of their lawn.

“I...” Zayn starts again, his hair has gotten long at the front again and it covers his frown, “there's one here,” he says, sticks out his ring finger.

Niall blinks at him, mouth opening in question but he has so many, he has no idea which one to ask so he just closes it again, nodding for Zayn to keep going.

“It just breaks off,” Zayn finally says, “I took off on my car the day it appeared but I could only follow it up to the coast. The ocean is in the way.”

“What,” Niall swallows, “what color is it?”

Zayn smiles at him then, big enough to erase all traces of a frown from his face, “velvet red,” he says, “the richest red I have ever seen.”

Niall laughs at that, he knows he's being loud in the quiet afternoon but Zayn joins him halfway through and it lifts the heavy feeling of unfound love and it's hard not to be happy when at least there's someone out there for Zayn to find.

"Can you see it now?" Niall asks, still smiling wide at him.

Zayn nods, "it's not as strong as when it first appeared but yeah," he wiggles his finger, "it's there."

"Mine hasn't showed up yet," Niall wiggles his ring finger, "but sometimes I feel like there's something being tied around it."

"It's almost time," Zayn says quietly, "just a couple more days, really."

Niall sighs, tilts his head towards the sky, watching the way the clouds inch forward, "even if I don't get one, I still have you."

Zayn's face goes soft, big eyes squinting with the smile he gives Niall.

"Together forever," Zayn says as he sticks his pinky out.

"And ever," Niall answers, wrapping his own pinky finger over Zayn's, watching their string get tangled more.

-

Liam sits next to him, he's sweating and he sighs when his body touches the cool bleachers.

The rest of the track team is still on the field and Niall watches as some of them redo their last laps.

"I didn't know Zayn had a red string," is the first thing he says to Niall.

"He just told me," Niall hums, "but honestly we should have known. He's been 18 for almost a whole year."

Liam raises his thumb to his mouth, the flash of green catches Niall's attention, wrapped over his index finger.

"I wish mine would appear," Liam sighs, "it's been weeks."

"Don't be impatient," Niall says with a grin, "it doesn't always appear right away, you know that."

Liam shakes his head, "I don't get Zayn," he says around his thumb, "if I were him I wouldn't had just stopped looking."

Niall shrugs at that, "Zayn is different, you don't understand."

"You're right," Liam makes to get up, "I think you're the only one who understand him."

His eyes flicker to Niall's pinky, searching for the string that ties Niall away. Niall crosses his arms over his chest. There's a chill in the air now that the sun is hiding behind the trees.

"Coach is calling you," Niall answers.

Liam gets up carefully, Niall sees the face Liam makes of displeasure.

"Talk to you later," Liam says as he walks off the bleachers.

-

Zayn leaves back to his dorm the next day. Niall balances his bicycle on a streetlamp on their street and watches as Zayn takes the last bag of his clean laundry.

His car is spewing smoke from the tailpipe.

"You're gonna be late for school," Zayn says over an easy smile.

Niall smiles back. There's the pang of loneliness somewhere around his chest but he smiles nonetheless.

"I always hate it when you leave," Niall admits, "it gets boring around here."

"I'm just sorry I'm gonna miss your birthday," Zayn sighs, his hand goes into his pocket and Niall watches for a second as he struggles to pull something from it.

"Here," Zayn's palms are full of guitar picks, "they're custom made. They're supposed to be top notch quality. Honestly, I have no idea but I'm hoping they work for you."

"Thanks man," Niall's smile turns into a grin, "these are wicked."

Zayn gives him a thumbs up, sticking his other arm out wide for a hug.

Niall walks into it, nose squishing into Zayn's neck. Zayn's arms go around him, it's warm and familiar. Niall almost loses the next words Zayn says to him.

"I'm expecting a call...or at least a text when it happens you know."

-

Sometimes he catches his mum looking at her hand.

She'll be sitting in the kitchen, soup boiling away. He never really asked. But one day his mum locks eyes with him and she gives him a grim smile.

"Mum?" He says, entering the kitchen quietly, "what are you looking at?"

His mum blinks at him, eyes going to her ring finger, "I'm just remembering when it used to be red."

Niall walks towards her, sliding on the chair next to her, "what color is it...?"

His mum takes a deep breath, "gray...just gray."

-

Niall wakes up on a Thursday with no tight feeling over his ring finger. He sighs, closes his eyes tightly, and flops to his side.

His hand jerks from under his head and he can't help the soft smile when he tugs back at Harry.

His phone is muffled all tangled up with the sheets but Niall still hears it when it starts to go off.

" _Happy birthday_ ," Harry says from the other end, " _I've mailed you something!_ "

"I don't need another rock, Harry," Niall says slowly.

The shelf Liam helped him built is nailed right next to the door and it's jam packed with all types of rock Harry keeps sending. They're all different shades and shapes. Their sizes vary from the size of a quarter to the size of his fist.

" _It's not a rock! Well not all of it_ ," Harry sniffles from the other line, " _there's other parts to your gift ok_."

"What is it?" He asks warily, he can't trust Harry's sense of judgement.

" _It's a surprise_ ," Harry laughs, " _but I sent it on express so it should be there today._ "

-

School is the same as always. Some teachers give him pieces of candy, others make the class sing for him. But he still feels the same, one year older and still missing his red string.

It's Liam who finds him looking at his hand, spaced out next to his locker.

"You said you have to be patient," Liam says as he slides next to Niall on the floor.

Niall sighs, drops his hand to his side, "yeah I know but I was still hoping it would he today."

Liam doesn't answer, turns to his bag and pulls out a parcel wrapped in balloon printed paper.

"The lady at the counter said these were really good. I know you like the ones with caramel so I got a whole box for you," Liam passes the box over, "also my mum wrapped it. Just so you know," he shrugs.

"Thanks, mate," Niall says, his fingers start curling with the ribbon tied neatly on top.

"Don't eat them all in one go," Liam says suddenly, "you know you get sick easily."

"Yeah, whatever," Niall rolls his eyes.

-

His phone rings again when he notices the package on the kitchen counter.

"Hello," he says, eyes scanning over Harry's neat writing.

" _Happy birthday, Niall_ ," Zayn says, " _how was it?_ "

Niall starts peeling of the tape, "it was ok. I got candy from Liam and school was alright."

There's a cake in the box, frosted a bit lopsided with a sickly looking green and his name writing all big on top in orange.

"Harry sent me a cake," Niall starts to laugh, looks into the box and sees another rock hiding in the corner, "and a purple stone?"

" _Ah, Harry_ ," Zayn laughs through the phone, " _leave it to him_."

He's cut himself a slice of cake when Zayn changes his tone.

" _I'm still real sorry I couldn't be there,_ " the speaker crinkles his voice a bit but Niall doesn't mind.

"It's fine," Niall says, "this is as good as it can get."

-

Zayn hadn't asked him about his string, had rambled about his new professors and classes. The food in the cafeteria and the one idiot in his Short Story Modern Novel class that always managed to fall to sleep during lectures.

And Niall starts forgetting about it. September starts watering down to the last couple of days. Fall starts and it gets a little cooler and Niall starts being ok with it.

Maybe he even likes it like this. No red string added to the mix.

He knows it's a possibility for him. He already has too many tied to him. He shouldn't be selfish. There's people like Zayn who barely have two.

Niall knows the chances of getting a fourth string are not the best. So he finds himself regretting the day the string tying him and Zayn didn't turn out to be red.

If he's used all his lines, then he wasn't meant for love. Just companionship. And Niall doesn't know if that's something he wants.

Strings are fickle things. They appear when they want. They tie people who have nothing in common. They change colors in ways that leave people floundering around.

Niall should stop expecting it all to be predictable, something he'll catch in a sure way.

-  
It's a Wednesday. And he decides to spend his free period, in the last couple of days of warm autumn days, out in the field. The sun is out but the day is windy, his skin flushes with the cold of it.

He's reaching for his book bag when his eyes catch it. The flash of something not there before.

He stops moving then, watching the way the sunlight cuts through the air, catching at a new string tied around Niall's ring finger.

It glints for a second, until a cloud covers the afternoon sun and Niall watches as it settles in color.

It's bright, a candy apple red.

He can't think straight, his heart is speeding up and his breath is getting hard to find.

This is it, this is what he has been waiting for and now it feels too overwhelming, like too much for him to be allowed to have.

He has no idea how far his soulmate is, what they're doing right now as their bond has finished tying them together.

He gets up, picks up his book bag and speed walks to the alley at the back of the school building.

There's a hole behind the trash bin that Zayn had been at fault for.

He still remembers how Zayn had sawed at the plastic lattice with a small blade he carried with him, the way he had kicked at it until a small hole big enough to let them out had been formed.

He throws his book bag over the fence, tenses his jaw as he stomach crawls through the hole.

He knows his uniform shirt has been ruined, he hears a faint rip but he doesn't let himself dwell on it.

Once on the other side he climbs up to his knees, hand trying frantically to clean the dirt rubbed to the front of his shirt, finger catching on the small rip across the bottom right of his shirt.

He only has one period after his free, he shoots Liam a text, _not feeling so good think i ate something won't go to class talk later_

He knows he has to move fast, it's the time of autumn where the sun is starting to set earlier and earlier.

He speed walks towards the direction of the string, he passes empty streets, passes store fronts. His string leads him to the center of the shopping district, where people are crowding over shops and sights. Niall has no idea where this is going to, to who he is about to get pulled into. But he keeps going, his feet walking quickly, bumping into people who either glare at him or shoot him curious looks. Until he ends up at a bus stop.

"Ah," he sighs, "I'll take the bus," he walks towards the signs, reading the schedules and routes, "but which one?"

He looks ahead, his string is still pulled taut and as far as he can see, it keeps going and going straight pass the cluster of stores.

"This one then," he jabs his finger against the sign, following the route of the bus, "hopefully."

The sun is starting to set by the time he gets on the bus, he sits against the window, drops his book bag on the seat next to him, and presses his forehead to the window.

Niall hasn't had time to think, but in the bus all he can focus on is the way his heart is beating, how out of breath he is. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“This is fucking mental,” he says to himself, he laughs.

He can't help but look at his hand, the almost invisible red string tied next to the yellow of Zayn's, the way it looks over his knuckle.

He must look like a moron, staring at his hand, holding his breath, dazed looking. Niall remembers all the times he's caught people looking at their hands, wondering what string had been formed, if they had just been tied to the love of their lives.

He feels funny now that it's him, he can feel eyes looking at him, but he pretends he's alone in the bus, watching the city blur out the window, curling his hand into a fist, tangling all his strings in his closed palm.

Even with all the excitement, he manages to doze off, he has no idea how many miles have flown off, just that his hand is what wakes him up, it jerks back, hits him across his face. The bus is less crowded now and Niall blushes at the few people who have seen him slap himself before it settles on him that his hand has moved, that his _soulmate_ is pulling back.

He presses urgently for the next stop, the sun outside has landed behind the shops and dusk is settling, but Niall needs to get off.

The bus stops with a lurch and Niall picks up his bag and runs down the aisle, rushes out a quick _thank you_ and starts walking back, watching the way the string keeps pulling him back. The streets are crowed with the night crowd but Niall manages around them, he slings his bag over his back and lets himself be half dragged to his destination. He goes pass big shops, pass the streets lined with streetlamps, until the people start to thin out and it's more dust than concrete, more road and cars than people and sidewalks.

The sounds of the city are still faint but they're drowned out by the rush of passing cars, the otherwise empty sound of the outskirts. Niall swallows, the stars are starting to come out, it's getting late and cold.

The lights to the faraway diner are too bright against the night when he first sees it in the distance but Niall keeps going, his hands are starting to shake, his breath getting hard to catch. The gravel under his feet crunches under his footfall. He stops halfway, letting out a breath before his hand jerks again, an encouraging little _c'mon, almost there._

Niall nods to himself, keeps walking, his legs are feeling weak, he doesn't understand how he's walking, but they're running on autopilot, his mind thinking about a million different things, wondering who's on the other end.

It's been hours of this, Niall knows he should be home, but suddenly it doesn't feel like enough time when he stops in the parking lot, in front of a nice looking car. He can't look away from his hand, the way the string has gone short.

“Hello,” _he_ says, his _soulmate_. It's a voice soft enough to make him shiver, he can't look up, he can't look at him.

“Hi,” he says quietly, eyes glued to the shiny leather shoes the other man is wearing.

He feels embarrassingly like crying, all this build up and wanting has overwhelmed him and he has to blink really hard before he can convince himself to look up.

“You're wearing a school uniform,” is what he says when Niall finally meets his eyes. Niall nods but the words haven't really made it to him. He's not sure what to say or do, so he stares, the steel blue eyes, the way his mouth curves into an uncertain smile, the wide line of his shoulders in his suit jacket.

“Are you cold?” he asks Niall, eyes searching, "you're only wearing a shirt, let's go inside?"

Niall nods, eyes still caught at the cut of the man's cheekbones, the way his ears stick out with his hair cut.

The diner is almost empty, there's a man on the bar chewing his sandwich slowly, eyes glued to the telly in the corner.

Niall trails behind the man, _his soulmate_ , eyes flicking to the nice watch on his wrist, the way their string catches on it.

They sit on the last bench, Niall slides up against the tall windows, hands going to grip the straps of his book bag, cheeks tinting a dusty shade of pink when they meet eyes again.

"I'm Louis," he says, uneasy smile present again "what's your name?"

"Niall," he mumbles, "'m Niall."

Louis nods, "are you hungry?"

Niall shrugs, "a little."

"Let's get something to eat then," Louis reaches for a menu, "what do you want?"

-

Niall can hear the sizzling of the grill a while after the waitress takes their order. He licks his lips and tries to smile.

He's entirely too nervous, he's jittery and in a haze but it's hard to understand that he's sitting across from his soulmate.

"We don't know a lot about each other yet," Louis says, "except you're a student, right?"

Niall nods, he knows emphasizing that he is 18 is a bit stupid, that much is obvious. But with that thought comes another and he frowns, "I'm sorry you had to wait...hopefully it wasn't too long."

Louis looks at him with strange eyes, squinting for a second before he seems to decide on an answer, "it's only been five years."

Niall couldn't even wait a _week_ , he's stuttering apologies but Louis shakes his head.

"Just..." Louis hesitates, "tell me about yourself."

Niall knows this is how it's supposed to go. Newly tied soulmates go through the awkward catching up questions, attempt to piece how their lives are meant to interlock.

But Niall looks at Louis, his neatly trimmed sideburns, the focus in his eyes and he has a hard time seeing them as meant to be.

"There's not much after Niall, 18. Student," Niall laughs.

Louis offers him an encouraging smile, "what do you like to do then?"

Niall slides his hands over the surface of the table, fingers beginning to tap away.

"I like playing guitar...and singing," Niall finally decides, "one of my friends," he wiggles his middle finger, "he sings with me when he's around. We wanted to form a band but he never stays in one place for too long."

"You have other strings?" Louis leans forward.

"Uh," Niall nods, "yeah," he sticks out his index finger, "this one is Liam, he's fun to hang out with."

"Liam and...?" Louis trails off.

"Liam, Harry," he sticks out his pinky, "and Zayn."

Louis looks at him, eyes trying to look at all the strings Niall has tied around his fingers.

The waitress comes back, slides their orders of burgers and chips, tall glasses of milkshakes topped with whipped cream.

Niall tentatively takes a chip, burning his tongue.

"How many do you have?" Niall asks. The atmosphere has shifted to something somehow more awkward.

Louis reaches for his milkshake, Niall thinks he ordered rocky road.

"Just you," Louis says with a shrug, lifting his right hand up, ring finger out proudly.

"Just me," Niall repeats.

"I've never even knew you could have so many," Louis says, takes a sip of his milkshake, "my mum never even had one."

"How...?" Niall manages.

Louis laughs, "you don't have to be tied to have a kid together, much less sex," Louis pulls his plate forward, "God knows whoever he is never felt bonded enough to meet me or keep up with my mum."

Niall watches as he takes a bite, chews slowly as if in thought, "your mum and dad were bonded?"

Niall shakes his head, "well at first...," he slumps a little in his chair, "it broke a couple of years ago."

Louis hums at that, "guess we don't really have a lot of good experiences with these things," he pauses, "or at least I don't."

"I...," Niall picks up his own burger, "I never had my own red string so I'm hoping this works out," he offers a grin.

Louis blinks at him, "you have a pretty smile," he flashes his own and Niall flushes.

"Thanks," Niall swallows, "you too?"

Silence hushes over them then, there's the clattering of kitchen movement, the telly chattering in the background.

Niall watches Louis as subtly as he can, eating slowly and flickering his gaze to him every other second.

"You're ok with this right?" Louis asks suddenly, "I mean I knew you would be this young, but it's still hard to grasp. Every year you didn't turn 18 I would think to myself so he's a year younger, two, three. _Five_ ," he lets out a breath, "you're an adult now, you can make your own decisions. And if you're not comfortable with this. You can leave. Red strings don't have to mean a thing if we don't want them to."

Niall makes a face at his plate of chips, "I'm just nervous," he locks eyes with Louis, "you aren't what I was expecting."

"I've got all the wrong parts, don't I?" Louis picks up a chip.

"Um, no," Niall thinks for a second, "you have all the parts I wanted...just...," he eyes the suit Louis is sporting, the tie done neatly.

“Ah," Louis tilts his head to the side, "the suit. Right."

“It looks nice,” is what Niall says, eyes averting again. His cheeks haven't stopped feeling warm since this whole thing has started.

“You should eat some more,” Louis finally says.

-

Louis had paid for both meals, he had shaken his head when Niall had started going through his book bag, calmly taking out his wallet and leaving a nice tip.

“Do you live far?” he had asked and Niall had nodded without thinking, pointing at the direction of the nearest bus stop.

“That's entirely too far,” Louis had huffed, hand going safely on Niall's back, “let me take you home.”

At this Niall had stilled, the touch was innocent, Louis' hands small against the tense muscles, but the thing was that Louis was still a stranger, his soulmate but a stranger.

“I,” he slipped away from Louis' hand, “I'll be fine, seriously.”

Louis had shaken his head, “If anything happens to you, I'll feel responsible.”

The ride home had been faster than on the bus, there wasn't any looping routes or constant stopping. The car was nice, clean and smelling of plastic. Louis' eyes had never shifted from the front window but Niall kept a watch on him. The seriousness in his eyes, the sharp eyebrows, intimidating.

“You look too much but don't talk nearly enough,” Louis smiled, his fingers tightening on the wheel.

-

“Are you feeling better,” Liam shoved Niall over, dropping his bag on his lap, hand reaching for his lunch.

“What?” Niall frowned, eyes still not getting enough of his new string.

“You texted me, something about eating something bad? I took notes for you,” he reaches into his bag again, one handed and throws his beat up notebook at Niall.

“Oh, yeah,” Niall says slowly, opening the notebook carefully as if not to make it fall apart, “yeah just needed some sleep or something.”

Liam hums, takes a bite of his sandwich chewing thoughtfully, “you still look a bit sick, kinda green around the edges.”

Niall sticks his tongue out, “I look great, shut up.”

Liam snorts next to him and Niall nudges his shoulder playfully, hissing when Liam smashes his back against the bark of the tree.

“You're a fucking brute,” Niall says through teary eyes, but Liam looks at him with wide eyes, mouth set into an apologetic line, looking worried.

“Shit,” Liam starts rubbing Niall's shoulder, “you know I didn't mean to.”

“Fuck, Liam,” Niall wheezes, “I know you can beat me up any time you want but I rather you actually didn't.”

“I can't help it,” Liam almost wails, rubbing harder, jostling Niall with his movements.

“With great power comes great responsibility,” Niall starts to laugh, Liam's face finally reaching the pathetic state of weeping baby.

Liam pulls back, flicking Niall's ear and crossing his arms, “how am I going to protect my soulmate when I'm going to have to protect them from myself?”

Niall straightens up, thoughts drifting up to Louis, “you know it'll work out in your favor. Fate won't tie you with someone who won't be able to keep up with you.”

“But how do you know that for sure?” Liam sighs, throwing his arms out, “these things are never as clear as their meant to be.”

Niall shrugs at that, “you just have to trust right? Maybe when you meet her she won't be what you expected, but you're tied for a reason, you just need to wait and see.”

“What if I can't find her, like Zayn?” Liam bites his lip, “what if there's someone for me but we just never get the chance.”

Niall thinks about it for second, “there's worst things than that, you know. You could have no string at all.”

“Well that's fucking cheery,” Liam deadpans.

“You know what I mean,” Niall replies.

“Yeah, but,” Liam turns away from Niall, “this waiting feels like the worst that could happen to me.”

-

His mum isn't home again, sometimes he thinks he lives by himself, but there's always the cup his mum uses for her morning tea, the leftover smell of her. It's the only thing that doesn't make him feel as lonely as he should be.

He's settled down, eyes falling drowsy into sleep, the couch feels warm, he doesn't feel like moving at all.

He's coasting the middle ground of alertness and sleep when he feels it, the shyest of tugs pulling his hand. He thinks it's Harry, but he knows Harry is never shy when he wants to express his love or demands attention. He pulls back, Niall counts the seconds until he gets a response, small and gentle, unsure.

It's not the same tugs from the time on the bus, they aren't excited or urging, more asking. _Do you have time for me?_

His eyes open fully at that thought, he throws away his blanket, his skin isn't ready for the cold but he has other thoughts running through him, he sticks his sneakers on, hands going for his wallet in his book bag.

-

The bus ride is crowded, he gets shoved against a window seat, he hates when people encroach into his personal space, he takes deep breaths, tries to get closer to the side of the bus, shoulders painfully digging against the hard surface. His shoulder jitters, his eyes shifting out the window, looking for the time to ask for the next stop.

The afternoon is getting colder and colder as the days pass, Niall watches as the city still bustles with life, the trees turning to golden hues, the sky is cloudless, a shade of blue that Niall realizes is just the same as Louis' eyes.

The bus stops then, Niall looks around and realizes it's his stop, he has to push pass people, trying not to elbow anyone. He can't help but take a deep breath once he's out and the bus rolls off.

“Too many bloody people,” he shakes his head, feet already taking him towards the outskirts. He walks slowly, past the people looking at windows displays, until it starts to water down and it's more run down buildings than people.

The road is unpaved and Niall kicks some of the loose gravel as the diner comes into view, the lights from the big windows are golden against the gray sky.

There's a few cars in the parking lot, Niall looks around, eyes stopping when he finds Louis standing in front of his car, foot tapping against the pavement in jittery moves.

He slows then, moving slowly across the parking lot, still nervous, still trying to figure out how him and Louis are meant to work.

“Hey,” he says once he knows Louis can hear him, he waves at him, other hand stuffed awkwardly in his pants' pocket.

“Hi,” Louis breathes, shoulders slouching, mouth slowly turning up into a smile, “hello.”

There's the awkward feeling again, Niall ducks his head away from Louis' gaze, unsure of what to say or do or _anything._

“Are you hungry?” Louis asks, he's turning towards the diner, “lets go inside.”

Niall sits gingerly on his seat across from Louis, noticing the charcoal gray suit Louis is wearing. He looks down at his t-shirt, his jeans and sneakers, “why are you always so dressed up?” he asks almost irritably.

Louis looks up from the menu, expression surprised for a second before he smiles, “I work at an office, Niall,” he says voice matter of fact.  
Niall can't help the smile he cracks, hand reaching for his own menu, “what kind of office?” he tries tentatively, eyes glued to the small letters on the glossy paper.

“The corporate type,” Louis answers without much thought.

They order the same things, except for Louis who decides to switch to a plain vanilla shake. Niall has forgotten he's not hungry at all, when he hears the sizzling of the grill out in the back.

“I hope this isn't bothersome,” Louis clears his throat, “I couldn't stop thinking about how you're only a tug away, and I tried to resist it but I think this soulmate thing has to be legit if I already like you enough to want to spend more than one time with you.”

Niall raises an eyebrow at that, he sits up, “It isn't bothersome, aren't we supposed to get used to each other? I think this soulmate thing is for life, mate.”

-

Niall is sipping the last of his milkshake when Louis reaches for his hand, it's warm and soft in places where Niall's guitar has left rough skin in its wake.

“You're really nice,” Louis says, “I like you a lot, I think I would like you even if we weren't tied.”

“Thanks,” Niall says, curling his fingers around Louis' wrist, “you're ok too.”

He's less nervous this time around, Louis is less intimidating, more unsure than Niall thought.

The ride home is still quiet, Niall keeps his eyes on car window, thinking about how this all feels to stilled, not comfortable enough for him to completely want but promising to get better.

Niall thinks he can grow to like this.

-

The days after that are too long and Niall has no idea why. He has assignments to hand in, projects to do, last minute applications to places he wishes he didn't really have to go. The days are dragged out, even with the way deadlines keep crashing against him. The days cool off, Niall starts wearing a windbreaker, in the mornings he shivers against the low temperatures, the afternoons are always too warm for his jacket. He manages it all.

His house is almost always empty and his brain is full to the brim with words and numbers and static. Liam says he should join a sport, something to get rid of his influx of energy. Niall considers it, if only to get Liam off his case. Liam may be on to something, with the way he's always smiling, never grumpy, chattering constantly about this and that and soulmates.

Niall tunes him out more than he listens, he knows all their conversations by heart.

Louis doesn't enter his mind until his phone starts ringing, caller ID printed neatly as _Zayn_. He picks up as soon as he sees who it is, smiling before Zayn even says _hello._

“ _Niall_ ,” Zayn says, Niall can hear the way his mouth is just starting to break into a smile, “ _how's it going?_ ”

He knows he's asking about school, but Niall freezes over the question, holding on tight to his phone, mind suddenly going back to Louis.

The red string is right next to Zayn's, Niall's eyes flicker to them, the two strings knotted perfectly around his fingers.

“Fine,” he says when Zayn prompts him with a concerned sounding _Niall_ , “just a lot of moving around.”

Zayn clicks his tongue on the other side, “ _these months are gonna be hectic buddy, but you'll get the hang of them_.”

“Yeah,” Niall nods, his mouth has gone dry and his heart is picking up speed, he's nervous, he can't find the words to tell Zayn, but he wants to, wants to _so bad_ , “Zayn...ah, listen.”

“ _What's wrong?_ ” Zayn asks quickly, “ _are you ok with all the work load?_ ”

“No...I mean yeah! It's not that, I'm all ok with school at the moment, it's something else,” Niall swallows around the dry lump in his throat, clearing his throat when that doesn't work.

“ _Then?_ ” Zayn sighs, “ _is it Liam again, because I keep telling you that just because you two are tied that you don't have to humor him. He has a strange sense of humor and frankly I don't think you even get his jokes half the time._ ”

Niall laughs, and all at once his heart slows down, the jitters in his voice easing. Zayn has always been good at calming him down, knowing what to say, how to say it, what Niall needs to hear. Without Zayn, Niall thinks, he would be a lot less successful at human interaction

“I like Liam, you like Liam, everyone likes Liam, don't lie Zayn.”

“ _Niall,_ ” Zayn practically whines, Niall gives himself the luxury to imagine a pout on Zayn's face, maybe even a little stomp for emphasis.

“Remember when you told me to call...or just text?” Niall takes a deep breath, “about the thing with the soulmates and stuff?”

“ _Niall,_ ” Zayn says quietly, “ _I swear on everything you love, if you are just telling me this and it didn't just happen then I'm going to have to kick your dick in_.”

“Ouch,” Niall winces, “that sounds fucking painful, what kind of best friend are you.”

“ _I was hoping the kind who gets to know first when you get a soulmate_ ,” Zayn huffs.

“I've been busy,” Niall tries to explain, “I met him maybe two weeks ago?”

“Him?” Zayns asks eagerly, “and?”

“Yeah, him,” Niall feels stupidly like smiling, “he's not who I thought he would be...he's a couple of years older. Five to be exact, and he's like an accountant or something?”

“So?” Zayn sounds confused, “ _do you like him?_ ”

Niall thinks about it hard, Niall thinks about the two shared greasy dinners, the awkward conversations, the couple of smiles they shared in the wake of trying to figure out how to fall in love with each other.

“I don't know, honestly,” Niall shrugs, “he's nice, he buys me food at least.”

“ _Well_ ,” Zayn pauses, “ _that's a good start at least._ ”

-

Harry pops up a couple of days later, his beat up car is parked by the curve, but Niall recognizes it as distinctly Harry.

“You really need to give me a heads up,” Niall says once Harry is done crushing him half to death.

“Some people say things like, _nice to see you again_ , or maybe even I _missed you, man_ ,” Harry faux sniffles, “honestly, manners, Niall.”

Niall rolls his eyes, “ _Nice to see you_ Harry, what brings you to town?” he asks monotonously, “ _I missed you so_.”

“So nice of you to ask, Niall,” Harry says, turning around and ducking back into his car, pulling out a letter, Niall can see the inky scrawl of Zayn all over it, “went to visit Zayn, told me to give you this. Also,” the punch is hard, too fast for Niall to realize is coming but it collides hurtfully on his shoulder, “that, for not saying anything about your soulmate.”

Niall clutches at his shoulder, the pain throbs, spreading halfway down his arms, “you and Liam are trying to kill me, aren't you, this is why I don't like you guys.”

“Yeah,” Harry says, pulling out his sad eyes, “because now your actual soulmate is here and you don't have time for me. It was already hard enough to have to share you with Zayn, but now this guy thinks it's cool to show up late to the Niall party.”

“I am not a party,” Niall says patiently, “just a person stuck with all of you.”

-

Harry settles on the floor, eyes focused on the documentary on the Amazon, mouth hanging open. Niall pulls out Zayn's letter, it's unsealed, just a small scrap of paper.

_If he doesn't feel right, you know you don't have to stick around, a red string doesn't have to be suffocating. Plus if he's a creep I'll sock him, you know I will. Stay safe, also I told Harry._

_Zayn._

Niall reads the short lines over, reading the first line more than he thinks he should. Louis doesn't feel unsafe or wrong, just unfamiliar.

He bites the inside of his cheek, looking at the time on his phone before his hand gets ahead of himself and tugs at his string, a short, sure tug.

“Hey, Harry,” he says, “do you wanna get something to eat?”

-

The parking lot is full of people trying to get late lunches, early dinners, but Niall doesn't mind, he sits at the hood of Harry's car, across from Harry, behind the front glass of the car, it's spotted, dirt streaked.

“You said food,” Harry's muffled voice sounds betrayed, “why are we sitting here.”

Niall pulls a face, “just wait a little, it's too crowded in there anyway,” he laughs when Harry makes a face of his own, ridiculously distorted.

They pass the time with talk about school, how Harry plans to get into his dream school, maybe get a job, quit the traveling life once his family doesn't drag him along with them.

“That sounds nice,” Niall sighs, pressing his forehead to the dirty glass.

“Um,” Harry says, eyes going pass Niall's shoulder, alarmed and curious, “there's a guy behind you?”

Niall whips around, sliding down when he sees Louis in neatly pressed slacks and dress shirt tucked in, “hi,” Niall waves, “how are you?”

“Fine,” Louis says once he gets his eyes away from Harry, smiling at Niall, “it's been awhile, though.”

-

“So you're telling me,” Harry says again, hands snatching up Niall and Louis', “that there's a red string in between here,” his eyes go back and forth from Niall's splayed fingers and Louis' half fist.

Niall nods, “The answer is not going to change the more you ask,” Niall pulls his hand back, “now shut up or get out of here.”

Louis smiles at them, thin lips pressed against each other, “sorry I can't stay longer,” he moves up to the pastry display, “I'll get you both something sweet for the ride home.”

Harry immediately presses his face to the cold glass, ogling all the small cakes and flaky pastries, “You're really nice, Niall, you didn't say he was nice, why didn't you say that. You know I like nice people, god only knows why I like you,” the rest is nonsense as Harry starts pros and cons lists for any pastry his eyes settle long enough for.

“I'm sorry,” Niall scratches his ear.

“About what?” Louis looks at the menu over the counter, “me having to come over here, or that Harry kid?”

“Both,” Niall decides, “mostly Harry, you don't even have to buy him anything.”

Louis turns slightly to look at Niall, eyes squinting in something Niall realizes must be amusement, “it's ok, I wanted to come, you know,” he motions to the girl at the cash register that he's not ready, “and I don't think I have the heart to tell Harry he can't have anything anymore. He's so hyped, look at him.”

“I actually wanted to ask you something,” Niall says after a while.

“I'm listening,” Louis nods, giving his full attention to Niall, “what is it?”

“Just,” Niall reaches into his phone, “wondering if we could exchange numbers.”

Niall presses his phone to Louis' stomach, “just put it in, I'll text you my number.”

“Ah,” Louis takes the phone, fingers pressing at the screen, “ok.”

-

Harry decides on a big slice of cheesecake, decked out with so many colorful fruits, they hurt to look at.

“This is gonna be so great,” he says as he sits on the kitchen table, pulling out the slice of cake out of the box, “I am two seconds away from crying, god bless people like Louis, got bless cheesecake.”

Niall should be concerned, but he's more preoccupied with his phone, trying to figure out the right way to message Louis.

_hey, this is niall, have a good night ok?_

He drops his phone on the kitchen counter, unsure if that's casual enough, what if he sounds like he doesn't care?

Harry offers him a bite, but Niall knows he's only doing it to be polite, and Harry doesn't really want to share, so he declines with a shake of his head and listens as his phone buzzes against the granite of the counter.

He gets up after a second, reaching for it, unlocking the new text message screen.

_You too, Niall...and sorry I couldn't really stay longer. ):_

Niall tries to turn around before his smile beats him but he knows Harry has seen when there's the clink of the fork against the plate.

“So this Louis guy,” Harry starts, “this soulmate of yours?”

“Don't even ask,” Niall locks his phone, “because I don't even know what to think yet.”

“Huh,” Harry hums, “well, all that matters is that you're happy, right? He looks like a nice person.”

-

Liam glares at him, “the fact that I am the last to know about this soulmate is really not cool.”

Niall writes down an answer for his history homework.

“I thought we were like this,” Liam presses his hands together, “except like closer.”

“How do you even know?” Niall asks, flipping the page on his history textbook.

“It's kinda sad when Zayn willingly tells me things before you do,” Liam flips to his side, “like that's how you know you've fucked up.”

Niall, closes his notebook, drops his pen on Liam's bed, “I honestly forgot to tell you all the times we've been together, I swear.”

“ _All the times_ , Niall, really?” Liam tilts his head, “you're stupid.”

“You're stupid,” Niall echoes.

“Is she pretty? Like you wanted her to be?” Liam whispers.

Niall reels back, knocking the back of his head against the headrest.

“Liam,” Niall's picks at the comforter, watching the way the pattern distorts with each pull, “it's a him.”

Liam blinks at him, mouth hanging slightly open, and for some strange reason, a blush creeping up his neck.

“This is not what I was expecting,” Liam says, Niall hears him, but he knows Liam is mostly talking to himself, “but also kind of embarrassing 'cause all I ever talked to you was about how we were going to get girlfriends and shit?”

Niall stays quiet, smoothing his hand over the rumpled bed clothing, watching the way his phone lights up next to his books.

“You should've said something sooner, so I wouldn't have shoved my foot so up my mouth,” Liam turns around, sitting up next to Niall, “also, is he pretty?”

“He's a boy,” Niall says, unsure if he could describe Louis as anything but that.

“Is that ok?” Liam follows up, scooting closer to Niall, their knees bump together.

Niall nods, smiles at the irony of it, all the time worrying if Liam was ok with it but Liam asking him the same question.

“Yeah, it's ok,” he reaches for his phone, “kinda what I was hoping for.”

-

Louis looks at him with tired eyes, there's bags under his eyelashes, hair a complete mess compared to how neat Niall is used to seeing it.

“It's late,” Louis yawns, reaching for his cup of coffee, “you don't have school tomorrow, right?”

Niall wrinkles his nose, “it's a Saturday tomorrow, Louis,” he picks up his fork, tries to cut off a piece of his pancakes, “I hope you haven't been out of school long enough that you don't remember that.”

“You're so different when you aren't full of nerves,” Louis jams a piece of bacon to his mouth, “I also like this Niall, very...feisty.”

Niall chews thoughtfully, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “so what's new?” he asks. It's only the fourth time they've met, Louis had texted him, asked if he was home. The time on his clock had read 3:11 am, _of course he was,_ he had said.

_I'll pick you up, I think I remember how to get to your house._

The hard plastic of the booth is cold, running goosebumps all over his arms, but he's too tired to complain and instead takes another forkful of pancake.

Louis looks too skinny out of his suit, his shirt is thin and worn out, Niall can make out the smallest of golden hues under it, black lines, words and shapes all over Louis' chest. He averts his eyes and instead goes to his mug of hot chocolate.

“Nothing,” Louis keeps looking at him, watching as he blows the steam from his hot chocolate away, “I was finishing a report, but I got a bit antsy, and I just thought about you, so here we are.”

Niall licks his lips, catching the stray taste of chocolate from his upper lip, “that's probably the most you have ever said about yourself,” Niall says, the cheerful tone seems to be a side effect from the chocolate, he closes his eyes at how sweet and satisfying the drink is.

“You don't talk a lot about yourself either,” Louis shoots back, “I keep asking and you keep not giving.”

“I said I liked guitar, and you've met Harry, that's more than you've supplied,” there's a tint of childless but Niall doesn't care.

“There's not really a lot to talk about. I work at my stepdad's business, I stay home a lot, and I don't really have friends, except maybe you?” Louis picks at his chips, “and I kinda get nervous around you, but only because well, you're really bright and energetic looking, and also who eats breakfast this late in the night anyway?”

Niall stabs his fork through the rest of his pancake stack, “It's technically morning, so you,” he points at Louis' big plate of chips, “are the one spoiling your appetite.”

“Yeah, well I'm an adult so I get to do that,” Louis bites a chip in half, eyebrow cocking in a challenge.

“And as a fellow adult, I respect that,” Niall smiles, “because we're all adults here, even if one of us doesn't act like it.”

“I've been wounded beyond repair,” Louis says mock solemnly, “I have been put in my place.”

The big windows reflect the bright shine of the parking lot's lights, the overhanging fixtures all over the diner's ceiling. It's a dark morning, the sky a blue dark, stars sticking out in random places.

“You don't have to be nervous,” Niall pours syrup over the leftovers on his plate, “didn't you say I didn't have to be nervous?”

Louis places an elbow on the table, hand under his chin, “I can't help it, you're the first person I have ever liked right away, it's a strange feeling. It’s not bad, but it's also something I'm not sure I enjoy.”

“You keep saying that,” Niall blushes, “but we've barely met.”

Louis watches him for a couple of seconds, eyes steady and unfaltering, “yeah but the universe has placed a bet on us,” he raises his hand, wiggling his ring finger, Niall watches as the red string moves with it, “I don't want to let the universe down. It's a lot of pressure.”

“We don't owe the universe anything,” Niall says after awhile, “we don't have to do what it says.”

“I guess you're right,” Louis looks away, Niall can see the way the headlights of cars reflect against his eyes, “but I still think we should try a little.

-

_good morning :) have you done your homework yet?_

Niall looks at the smiley face, squinting at it before he hits reply.

_Liam is coming over for a project, so soon, how about you?_

He's trying not to get too excited about Louis but he can't help it if he smiles when his phone buzzes.

_I'm at work and it's so boring. Numbers suck a lot. ):_

Niall starts to type a response but his doorbell rings, he closes his phone and slips it into his pocket.

Liam's arms are full of construction paper, rolls and rolls of them, containers of glue and glitter and boxes of crayons, “I stole these from the school,” he says as form of explanation, “we need to used it all to get rid of the evidence.”

He's watching Liam make clumsy block letters for their title when his phone buzzes again against his pocket. Liam looks absorbed on his task, eyes unblinking and hands shaking with the force of his grip.

_Someone bought hot chocolate for all of us, I had a cup to your name (:_

-

His mum is going through the mail when he gets home, Niall does a double take, peeling off his shoes, walking to the living room like he's afraid his mum is going to scare off.

“Hey, mum,” Niall hasn't seen his mum during normal hours in ages, just seconds in the night when their routes meet in the kitchen.

“Niall, love,” she says putting down the stack of bills, “haven't seen you in the daylight for some time.”

The tone of her voice is sad, almost guilty but Niall shakes his head.

“It's ok mum, I know you have work, I know it's a lot but I can't take care of myself, I don't need you to worry about me.”

“Wasn't even here for your birthday,” his mum goes on, “I'm real sorry about that.”

“It's fine, mum, honestly, I know you remember and I know you care and love me, that's all that matters, ok?”

“You're so good to me, Niall,” his mum smiles, looking more relieved, less tired, “I don't deserve a son like you.”

“Don't be silly mum,” Niall sits next to her, “we both deserve each other.”

“Anything exciting happen while I was gone?” she asks and Niall doesn't even have to think.

“Just this,” he sticks out his ring finger, and even if his mum can't see it, he knows she knows there's a red string there, “he's really nice, too.”

His mum reaches for his wrist, pulling it towards her, “you're really grown up now, Niall and I've missed your string tying. Nice, you say?”

“Yeah, mum, he has a job and everything, I think you'll like him.”

“The important thing is that you both like each other,” his mum corrects him.

-

“Can you come pick me up?” Niall says as soon as Louis answers his phone, “I want to see you.”

He puts on a hoodie, running down the stairs and waiting at the front yard, huddled into himself, eyes looking for Louis' car to roll by.

“What's up,” Louis asks as soon as Niall buckles his belt, “are you ok?”

“I'm confused,” Niall admits, “about you...again.”

“Are you hungry?” Louis asks.

-

“Same as usual?” the waitress asks, she's smiling down at them, pen already writing down on her pad, “breakfast plate and burger and chips, right?”

Louis looks up from his menu, “yeah, except I'll be having a chocolate milkshake instead of a coffee.”

“Oh, me too,” Niall adds on, “with extra whip cream on top.”

“It's kind of unnerving that she recognizes us now, what if she's like judging our calorie intake or something,” Louis hushes, ducking closer to Niall, “she probably thinks we're like those kind of weird people who only come out at night, or serial killers.”

“What?” Niall shakes his head, “she's just being nice and doing her job, Louis what are you even saying.”

“It's a possibility,” Louis folds his hands neatly on the table, “and you know it.”

“I think you and I look the most farthest away from serial killers that no one will ever think that about us,” Niall slides closer to the window, “if anything we look like runaway kids.”

“Except I'm 23,” Louis frowns, “and I have an adult job.”

“You're wearing a t-shirt with _Spiderman_ on it, and sneakers without socks,” Niall supplies lazily.

“I was sleeping and unaware when you called, ok, not all of us can look as great as you at any given time,” Louis runs a hand over his hair, “besides, I'm allowed, I could be sleeping, in my bed, nice and warm.”

“But you came because you love me,” Niall says, voice fluttery and dreamily, “like a good soulmate should.”

“Yeah well, you're the only excitement in my life right now,” Louis leans back when their food is brought out, “besides the thrill of crunching numbers, _of course_.”

Niall pulls his milkshake in front of him, finger scooping up the extra whip cream, “I'm flattered.”

“So confused about what?” Louis says after a couple of quiet bites.

Niall cuts his pancakes up as neatly as he can, little triangular slices coated in shiny syrup, “I don't don't like you,” Niall starts slowly, “but I’m not sure if I like you how I'm supposed to.”

Louis goes silent for a second, “well, I like you enough, but I think I like you more than you like me.”

“And I don't think that's fair,” Niall sighs, “I want to like you how you like me, how we're supposed to be,” he curls his hands together, jostling Louis' hands with his.

“It takes different times for different people,” Louis explains, “I'm not hurt if that's what you're worrying about.”

“It's not just that,” Niall pushes butter all over his plate, “is just I want this to work.”

Louis bites his lip, “Well why wouldn't it if we both want it?”

“All my life, all the red strings I have known of, they never work out. Zayn, his string goes out too far, it casts past the sea and I can't help but feel like what if we are just something like that. Something that's meant to be but just not possible.”

“You worry a lot for someone your age,” Louis smiles, reaching for Niall's hand across the table, “everything works out how it's meant to be.”

“Then why is Zayn another string gone bad,” Niall says sulkily, “why do these things complicate more than they should.”

Louis squeezes their hands together, “some people don't think they deserve happiness right away. If I learned anything from my days at school, red strings appear when we're ready to reach that happiness but never when we are completely there. Zayn isn't ready, or he doesn't think he deserves it. When he gets to that point, if it's really meant to be, well, the string will find Zayn.”

Niall watches the way their string knots together in the places they meet, “I want to be happy now.”

“Then try to get there faster,” Louis offers quietly.

-

“I didn't drive hours to watch you sleep,” it's what wakes him up, he throws his covers over his head, curling into himself.

“Wake up,” Zayn sing songs, “your phone has been buzzing this whole time and you haven't changed your password since last time so I've read them all. Louis sounds nice.”

“Why are you here, why do you have to be mean,” Niall sits up, hands going frantically for his phone, opening his messages to his and Louis' conversation.

_I never got the point of school_

_or jobs_

_like why isn't sleep a thing I can get paid to do_

_do you think that sleeping is a respectable calling_

_I bet youre sleeping now_

_I wish I was sleeping ):_

“Didn't you say he was like five years older than you?” Zayn goes under the covers, “he sounds around your age.”

“He's a kid at heart,” Niall says defensively, “he's cool like that.”

“Alright, calm down,” Zayn's voice is muffled, “I didn't mean to insult your boyfriend.”

“He's not my boyfriend,” Niall mumbles, turning to look at Zayn, curling towards him.

“And how the fuck not?” Zayn demands, his beard has grown in, his eyes curving sleepily, the smell of car and cigarettes lingers over them.

“I'm still getting used to him,” Niall answers, “I don't want to push into this, I want to be sure.”

“You two are meant to be, that's all you need to make sure of before you move on,” Zayn closes his eyes, “you always over complicate things, Niall.”

“I don't want to talk about it,” Niall goes quiet, “why did you drive all the way here.”

“I've missed you,” Zayn says, “sometimes tugging back at you is not enough to get through so long without you.”

“You haven't tugged once” Niall says accusingly.

“I didn't want to bother you when you were busy with school and life,” Zayn yawns, “let's stop talking now.”

-

Zayn doesn't ask about Louis again, except for when he looks at Niall, serious eyed.

“Sometimes you just need to really look, and I don' think you've given him that luxury.”

Niall thinks about it, all through school, as he sits through lessons, maths, english, history. Liam catches him half immersed in this. The days have gotten too cold to take outside, but Niall sits against the trash bin, Liam in his puffy coat, kicking pebbles around.

In all truthfulness, Niall has avoided Louis almost relentlessly. Calling for him, but never indulging himself to excessive observation, eyes scanning over him but never staying in one place more than he should. Answering questions and comments with as little about himself as he can. He's kept their conversations tight lipped, no room for getting to know each other outside of the basics.

“Are you ok, Niall?” Liam walks over to him, hands full of pebbles, “you've spaced out for a long while.”

“Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking,” he says automatically, “about how I've been stupid.”

“I've already said that,” Liam says jokingly.

-

Louis is breathtakingly almost painfully gorgeous. Niall watches as he sits across from him, his hair rid of all hair product, glasses slightly crooked, the neck line of his sweater droops a little, Niall can see the golden skin over his collarbones, the tattoos he had almost forgotten about.

The waitress doesn't even bother to come to them, she nods at them as soon as they push pass the glass doors, already scribbling out their order.

“Now that I think about, I don't think you even need sleep,” Louis yawns, slumping forward, “you keep me up more than my numbers.”

“Sorry,” Niall apologizes, “I just needed to see you.”

“Well here I am,” Louis spreads his arms wide, “look all you want.”

Niall gets a full view of the top of his head, the sloping line of his slouched back under his sweater, “you're gonna have to move once the food gets here.”

“Moving is hard,” Louis murmurs, pulling back to slouch in his seat, “this whole thing is hard, actually.”

Niall's gotten so good at avoiding this kind of thing, he doesn't say anything and Louis sighs, “you're definitely the reason why me and humans aren't something that work.”

The food arrives, Louis picks up his burger, taking a big bite, chewing slowly, eyes stuck down at his plate.

Niall watches him, he cuts his pancakes slowly, smearing syrup all over them. Truth is, he's always known Louis was attractive, he just never admitted it to himself, now that he looks on, he wonders how he managed for so long, how Louis still finds it in himself to keep humoring Niall.

The silence is not awkward but it hangs heavy over Niall, the time wasted, the closed off attitude, he resents himself.

“Hey,” he kicks Louis under the table, “let me have some chips.”

Louis grabs one, pops it in his mouth, “no, they're mine,” he says, grabbing a handful and smashing them into his mouth.

“Come on,” he jiggles is knee under the table, “just one.”

“I don't want to,” Louis says childish, there's a smile in his tone, and Niall lunges forward, but Louis is too quick, pulls his plate away and throws a chip at Niall. It lands sadly in a puddle of syrup and Louis watches in disgust as Niall picks it up and eats it.

“That's so gross,” Louis shakes his head, “you're so weird.”

They finish eating quietly, Louis pushes his plate towards the center, letting Niall pick at anything he likes, but it's not until they're outside, under the harsh lights of the parking lot that Niall decides to speak up again.

Louis is going around to unlock the door when Niall reaches for him, pulling him back.

“Why do you keep doing this?” he lets go of Louis' arm, “when I'm not entirely willing.”

Louis pulls Niall's hand back up, linking their joined hands together, “you keep calling me, after the first times it was you calling, and I thought that it meant you wanted to do this, so I kept hopeful.”

“Even with all the crap conversations I had with you, you kept trying...?” Niall drags the last word as a question and Louis smiles pleasantly.

“I never really liked anyone, no one really liked me, but I really liked you from the beginning. After we met, I couldn't stop thinking about you, the way you spoke, the charming tilt of your words. I spend hours upon hours trying to not call for you. But it didn't last long, you're the first one I have ever done this with. I don't know if we're doing this right, but I still want to do it.”

“We aren't,” Niall links their hands together, “we aren't doing this right.”

“So then lets do it again,” Louis shrugs.

Under the lights and the stars, the dark night and the cars that pass, Niall feels like suffocating, and the last bits of his breath go with the wind when Louis tilts up, pushes closer to Niall's personal space, pressing a kiss right over his mouth, a shy shade that Niall doesn't hate. It's strange in a way that he doesn't want it to stop, he squeezes Louis' hand in his, hard, until his knuckles feel ready to pop off.

When Louis pulls back, his eyes are a shade of blue that Niall thinks is now familiar after all these weeks, but they have a different sheen to them, alluring and calling for him to get closer, never leave him.

“I have to take you home,” Louis says quietly, pulling at their linked hands.

Niall doesn't want to go home, not if Louis isn't going to come along.

-

Everything feels different after that, Niall wakes up the next day, he has school, and getting ready is always so excruciating. But his phone is lighting up with a notification and he smiles widely when he sees it's from Louis.

_Good morning, have a good day at school (:_

_Morning, Lou! Be the best number cruncher in the world today :D_

His phone lights up again when he steps out of the shower

_you sound happy today, i hope you're smiling. i've always liked your smile._

Niall feels like he's sick, it's not unpleasant but he doesn't feel right. He's too happy, eager to see Louis again, he knows what it is. He looks at his hand, the red string a shade darker, it shines under his bedroom light.

-

There's a lot about Louis that Niall keeps thinking about. The way the light of the diner washed him away, a shade away from the golden hue always present on his skin. The sleepy curve of his eyes, the lines of his collarbones pressing against his shirts.

His hands are something he's grown a fascination over. His eyes lingering to them, always searching for the loop of their string, tracing it back to his own. Louis has small hands, compared to Niall's. Thin and long, almost delicate looking on the same sense that Louis' cheekbones are. At the edge of just soft enough made up of sharp lines, angles that Niall knows are dangerous.

Their hands fit perfectly, Niall sighs, watching the way the minutes pass off on his clock, all the times they've interlocked fingers, it never felt anything less than perfect. The warm press of them, the slight roughness of Niall, Louis' slightly greasy hands from his chips.

 _Is the kiss_ , Niall digs up his phone from his bag, it broke the dam Niall had built so meticulously.

 _That's so old fashion_ , Zayn's text read.

Old fashion in an embarrassing kind of way, Niall figure this situation was so out of the reach of old traditions.

Niall's read the stories of red strings and first kisses. He never pegged himself as the sleeping beauty kind of guy.

"Louis can you come pick me up?"

-

Louis is wearing his suit again, the same one from the first day. But different tie.

"I got you this," Louis hands him a thin box, "I never got you anything for your birthday, and it's getting cold out here."

The scarf is the same gray as Louis' suit, gingham pattern done in powdered blues.

"Thanks," Niall feels a little lost, "this is really nice."

The material is soft, expensive feeling.

"How you never manage to get cold is beyond me," Louis swirls his straw along the rim of his glass, "they've all gathered behind the counter," Louis snorts, "they think I can't see them but they're so obvious."

"They probably want to know if we're sharing their _last_ plate of chips," Niall laughs, "what kind of diner doesn't have more chips?"

The light from the sun outside is setting, Niall can hear the roar of cars driving on the road. He takes a moment to watch, Louis following his lead.

"People are always in a rush," Niall comments.

"Sometimes some things are worth rushing over to," Louis says softly.

Niall turns to look at Louis, "do you _really_ like me?"

"That's a dumb question," Louis turns away from the window, "I've told you I liked you since the first day. Since you kept pulling at the damn string and wouldn't let me do my work. Everyone at the office thought I was going insane."

"But do you like me? Like we're supposed to?" Niall sounds like an idiot.

Louis stops eating, "I think so, do you still not?"

-

Louis leaves a couple of bills on the table, hand resting on Niall's back, pushing towards his car.

"Do you want to come with me?" he asks, "I need to to pick up something from work and then I'm going home."

It starts to drizzle when they get stuck in traffic, Niall traces the rain drops gliding down the glass, watching them pool together.

The office building his big, made of glass and steel.

Louis pushes him along, into an elevator and to the 16th floor.

There's still a couple of people around, Niall gets an inkling of inadequateness. Everyone dress in fancy suits and ties and Niall in his after school clothes.

Niall is hovering around Louis' cubicle when someone comes up to them. Tall and goofy looking.

"Who's this, Louis?" he points at Niall.

Louis looks up from where he's packing stacks of papers into his portfolio, "Greg, hi, that's Niall."

Niall takes the hand Greg offers him, decides he doesn't like the way Greg looks at him, "I'm his soulmate."

Louis doesn't say anything, no one says a thing while Greg squints at their hands.

"About time, man," Greg exclaims, "I was starting to worry."

"Yeah," Louis grabs Niall's hand, "we have to go so we'll leave you to finish your stack."

There must be something Niall misses, the next second Greg is making finger guns at them, nodding knowingly.

"Right, gotta do the reports and stuff," he turns around, skidding into the first stall.

There's a sound of pained whining and shushing.

"Let's go," Louis places a palm to his cheek, "before he does a thing."

-  
The flat is quiet, opened feeling, empty in places that Niall knows are sad. His own home has the same feel and it's strange that he's used to it.

Louis goes to change, pointing to the kitchen, throwing Niall a smile before leaving.

He's looking through the cupboards when Louis comes back, wearing a thin shirt and basketball shorts.

"Niall," he calls, "come here, we need to have a talk."

Niall walks slowly out of the kitchen, watching as Louis sits on the couch, tired eyes still the same shade of blue Niall still can't understand.

Niall sits next to him, curling his legs around him.

"You," Louis licks his lips, "you keep asking me if I like you. Like you're asking me if I love you. I've been nothing but honest with you," Louis rests his head to the back of the couch, "I've liked since the first day, even if you didn't."

Louis motions for him to get closer, until Niall is close enough for him to pull him closer, arranging Niall on him, head on his lap, face away from him.

"Honestly, I've waited five years for you, all these weeks, they're nothing compared to that," his fingers curl around the base of Niall's neck, "and when you have to think about it, you weren't alive for five of those years. Until the universe took pity on me and made you. And that's kinda insane and I _do_ owe the universe something."

Niall swallows, his hand reaching behind him, stopping Louis' movement, unsure.

"The first day you kept pulling and pulling, I was afraid, that when we met you would close up. And you did, and I thought, I'll pull back, call you again, just to spite you. But, honestly, I just wanted to see you again."

Niall tries to get up, but Louis pulls him back down.

"And you don't have to like me, but I want you to stay. Because you're my only string," Louis lets go of him, "we can make it work which ever way you want."

The ticking of the kitchen clock feels too loud, Niall thinks it drowns out his words, "but I do like you."

"You don't have to lie, I'm a grown man, Niall," Louis hand has retreated, and Niall misses the warmth of it.

Niall sits up, “I'm not lying,” Niall leans forward.

Louis doesn't say a word, eyes locked with Niall, the seconds go by and then, “what do you like about me, then?”

Niall blinks, he can feel his ears going hot, his mouth running dry, “I don't know, I just like you.”

Louis kisses him, it catches him by surprise, but he leans over the small space between them, his hands lean on Niall's thigh, pressing down, fingernails scratching through the denim.

“I like everything about you,” Louis whispers, “from your smile to the way you eat breakfast for dinner.”

“It was morning,” Niall leans forward, mouth bumping with Louis' nose, “you're the one who keeps spoiling his appetite.”

“You win, Niall,” Louis presses a laugh to Niall's lips, “I hope you're happy.”

“I'm trying to be,” Niall presses their smiles together.

Niall slots his mouth along Louis' neck, lips skimming over the dark ink of tattoos, "you were my first kiss."

Louis shivers under him, "I'll be your first everything."

"You'll be my everything," Niall amends.


End file.
